These are the questions from our Sex and Relationships seminar…unedited.
Q. A Christian boy I had feelings for began to appear to reciprocate them…the problem was he had a girlfriend and while we really only held hands I know my heart was in the wrong place…how would I respond as a sister?
A. In the Bible we see that God is more concerned with our hearts (that is, our intentions) than our outward actions because our hearts show what our actions really mean (Luke 6:43-45). For this reason, relationships are not just about being physically/sexually faithful to another person but also emotionally. So whether you are holding hands or having a deep conversation or hanging out together, the issue is not just about what you do but what you mean. If your intention is to draw him away from another girl then you need to stop. As Christians we are called to faithfulness (Gal 5:22) and if he is dating a girl he has promised to be in a relationship with her that is exclusive of other girls. Christians are called to love God and love others as ourselves…to entice him to be unfaithful is deceptive, unloving and dishonours God. It’s worth also asking yourself whether this is the kind of guy you can really respect and the kind of guy you would want a relationship with. If he’s willing to be unfaithful with his current girlfriend, why would he be any different with you?
Q. Dating a non-Christian?
A. I’m guessing this is asking: ‘Should a Christian date someone who is not a believer’. The first thing to work out in answering this is: what does the Bible say about dating? In His Word, the Bible, God does not talk about ‘dating’ specifically. This means that it is neither sinful nor compulsory. But although the Bible doesn’t mention dating it talks plenty about relationships. In the scriptures God explains that He has created a relationship called marriage which is for companionship, intimacy, love and sexual expression. This means that dating is not a replacement or alternative where we can find all the companionship, intimacy, love and sexual expression we want. God already has made marriage for that. Dating therefore does not replace marriage but may be a helpful process in finding the person you are going to marry. God’s people are called to marry another believer (1 Cor 7:22) so if you are dating someone who is not a Christian you need to ask why? If you have no intention of marrying them and you are only going to break up with them…why are you dating?
Secondly in 2 Cor 6:14 we are commanded not to be ‘yoked (deeply connected and tied to) an unbeliever’. Dating would certainly be a way of being ‘yoked’ to someone else and so to be dating a non-Christian would be a matter of direct disobedience to God’s Word…and when you think about it, it makes sense. If you are dating someone who has different views on sex, marriage, dating, God, eternity and heaven and hell, one of you will have to change dramatically for the relationship to work. Is it fair to date someone and expect them to change their whole worldview just for you? In my experience this isn’t usually what happens. The most common outcome is that a Christian boy or girl who starts dating a non-Christian ends up giving up on their faith for the sake of making the relationship work. Statistically, agreement on spiritual beliefs is one of the key factors in a long lasting marriage. God’s plan is for you to find a Christian person to date when you are ready for marriage.
